How does it feel to be loved again. I have lost pretty much everything that I have loved and hence decided to give up on the feeling. Love to me now is BS. I've got no emotions left for people, I never ever actually care for another human being now. It's what circumstances have carved me into. I hate myself for becoming such a person but sincerely I can't help it until I met this amazing girl. This is not a love story, neither it has any romantic ingredient added to it. This is just my story and how exactly I dealt with scenarios and situations after feeling lost and disconnected for such a long time.
So, until the last couple of years I didn't properly know who she was/is. I was just interested in mostly pursuing entrepreneurship and excelling at it. So this one day, my friend challenged me to impress the most beautiful girl in my class(yes in college) and determined to take up the challenge as I was, I quickly planned out the whole process that I would follow to achieve my new motive. This included me to
1. Shed off some weight (I was obese at that point of time)
2. Increase my intelligence and knowledge.
3. Get more recognized and have my own self respect, personality.
It sounded to me a bit impossible for me to achieve all this in the first go but as they say, "Where there is a will, there is a way", I said to myself "Fuck it man, let's do it. Let's just do it for ourselves, let's show them what we've got".
Point to be noted, I always consider my inner voice as my God father/ my best friend and a actual human soul|personality. I think it's abnormal to think like that, but it helps me a lot in making decisions. Well days went by, weeks went by, months went by. I devoted a certain amount of time to each sub module and was surprisingly excelling in achieving what I needed. Whenever while running (to loose a few pounds) if I ever felt the need to sit down and grab a moment of peace and fresh air, I would hit myself in the chest and say to myself, "No man, you've gotta run, there is no stopping now. If you stop here you'll never get her, nor will achieve anything in life". Another challenge? Perhaps yes. And thus, I kept on running and maintaining my body for days.
Results were slowly being visible to others and they were positive. I was also being recognized as the young rebel who has his own company set up and would take the world by storm (long story). One day while sitting in the class, busy with my own shit suddenly a friend of mine comes up to me and says, "Hey man, she recommends her friends to get a personality like yours". That's it, that was my moment, I knew from there on that it has been started and I was getting recognized.
Now, this one night we were studying some difficult subject when one of my friend asked me about the things that needed to be studied. I knew the course hence I dictated it to him, but then suddenly it struck me. Why not act all innocent and her about the syllabus? At first I hesitated but then I said to myslef "Fuck it, let's do it". I messaged her and bam! we started chatting.
Now we sat together in class, shared music, and used to smile at each other in class (One of the best moments Ahhh...). But soon, it all got vanished. Perhaps it was me who tried to cut her off because my ego did not let me come near her. It started getting more messier, we ignored each other whenver we saw us. Ahh. wish I could describe it here in more detail but to my dismay I can't.
Fast forward a few months. Now after suffering from another love loss and overcoming it after a lot of hard work, I felt that I actually forgot about her but no. I reflexively told her that I had a crush on her back then and said that I did not wanted to hear an answer. It was just to let her know, that I cared.(Hit me hard on the head again!)
Fast forward a few months, now she's gone to another city for some job opportunities while I'm back here attending my classes and boring shit. One day, I get a message from her saying that she needs my support bec. our college is not providing enough support to the students. I said yeah, and then we started off again. We chatted for a bit and then I or she called it off. Later after two days, I thought to check on her and decided to message her about the conditions. Thankfully she replied back saying whaever shit I was not interested in and ultimately knew that I was in college and not anywhere to the place where they were staying at. She realized that all this time she kept blabbing about her problems and stuff. We carried on and had a long long chat over certain topics and such.
This is me writing this post as soon as the abovesaid chat ended. I dunno what to do. I have mixed feelings about her. I just want to forget her and move on but I just can't and this makes me sad. Huhhh.. I guess I'll have to seek advice from my inner me.
Ps. - Consider my apoligies for bad english, I didn't proof read it. And yeah this is work of fiction.
So, until the last couple of years I didn't properly know who she was/is. I was just interested in mostly pursuing entrepreneurship and excelling at it. So this one day, my friend challenged me to impress the most beautiful girl in my class(yes in college) and determined to take up the challenge as I was, I quickly planned out the whole process that I would follow to achieve my new motive. This included me to
1. Shed off some weight (I was obese at that point of time)
2. Increase my intelligence and knowledge.
3. Get more recognized and have my own self respect, personality.
It sounded to me a bit impossible for me to achieve all this in the first go but as they say, "Where there is a will, there is a way", I said to myself "Fuck it man, let's do it. Let's just do it for ourselves, let's show them what we've got".
Point to be noted, I always consider my inner voice as my God father/ my best friend and a actual human soul|personality. I think it's abnormal to think like that, but it helps me a lot in making decisions. Well days went by, weeks went by, months went by. I devoted a certain amount of time to each sub module and was surprisingly excelling in achieving what I needed. Whenever while running (to loose a few pounds) if I ever felt the need to sit down and grab a moment of peace and fresh air, I would hit myself in the chest and say to myself, "No man, you've gotta run, there is no stopping now. If you stop here you'll never get her, nor will achieve anything in life". Another challenge? Perhaps yes. And thus, I kept on running and maintaining my body for days.
Results were slowly being visible to others and they were positive. I was also being recognized as the young rebel who has his own company set up and would take the world by storm (long story). One day while sitting in the class, busy with my own shit suddenly a friend of mine comes up to me and says, "Hey man, she recommends her friends to get a personality like yours". That's it, that was my moment, I knew from there on that it has been started and I was getting recognized.
Now, this one night we were studying some difficult subject when one of my friend asked me about the things that needed to be studied. I knew the course hence I dictated it to him, but then suddenly it struck me. Why not act all innocent and her about the syllabus? At first I hesitated but then I said to myslef "Fuck it, let's do it". I messaged her and bam! we started chatting.
Now we sat together in class, shared music, and used to smile at each other in class (One of the best moments Ahhh...). But soon, it all got vanished. Perhaps it was me who tried to cut her off because my ego did not let me come near her. It started getting more messier, we ignored each other whenver we saw us. Ahh. wish I could describe it here in more detail but to my dismay I can't.
Fast forward a few months. Now after suffering from another love loss and overcoming it after a lot of hard work, I felt that I actually forgot about her but no. I reflexively told her that I had a crush on her back then and said that I did not wanted to hear an answer. It was just to let her know, that I cared.(Hit me hard on the head again!)
Fast forward a few months, now she's gone to another city for some job opportunities while I'm back here attending my classes and boring shit. One day, I get a message from her saying that she needs my support bec. our college is not providing enough support to the students. I said yeah, and then we started off again. We chatted for a bit and then I or she called it off. Later after two days, I thought to check on her and decided to message her about the conditions. Thankfully she replied back saying whaever shit I was not interested in and ultimately knew that I was in college and not anywhere to the place where they were staying at. She realized that all this time she kept blabbing about her problems and stuff. We carried on and had a long long chat over certain topics and such.
This is me writing this post as soon as the abovesaid chat ended. I dunno what to do. I have mixed feelings about her. I just want to forget her and move on but I just can't and this makes me sad. Huhhh.. I guess I'll have to seek advice from my inner me.
Ps. - Consider my apoligies for bad english, I didn't proof read it. And yeah this is work of fiction.
